Black nation ,we still have a long way to go.

The black nation has came a long way ,from slavery to apartheid ,we concurred that all.
Our past leaders managed to fulfill their promise on bringing us freedom and the black nation ruled without any punishable course inflicted to the whites in which I say with many other south africans was a great move made by our late former president tatomkulu nelson mandela.
We were promised freedom to live and walk wherever we may wish ,we got that. We were also promised to get quality education ,the kind whites received ,we got that too and many other life necessities but it breaks my heart to see the black nation still suffering living in houses made from metallic zinc walls.

Who do we blame ,the government or do we blame ourselves(the people)?

We are quick to point a finger to the government because we believe the government is suppose to work hard and build the black nation from skwatters to suburbian houses but what are we doing as the black nation to assist the government?
The government has created programs like the B.E.E which is part of the affirmative action to revive the struggling black person from the skwatters.
The government supplies grants to all who may need it for assistance.
The government has free education and free houses ,all this created for the struggling nation which is mostly dominated by blacks but the same government manages to take from the poor.
It would bias for me to blame the people and favor a government that breeds corruption.
Fraud ,nepotism ,bribery are all illicit behaviors that exist within our government that oppress the poor due to the fact that they are exercised in fields that are meant to favor the poor ,e.g the tender process given to b.e.e's end in money laundering and a little left for the poor.
Nepotism is another good example of where high government officials employ inexperienced family members to do a job in which they are not qualified for ,living the qualified out in the cold with their certificates and the poor still struggling because the people put in positions to help them are not competent to do the specified job ,now one would also define that as 'Affirmative action' but it's not.

I do however believe that it takes a whole nations to build a country and that every person must contribute in building their lives and the lives of others and voting puts the first step in building the country forward but I have noticed a big problem that prevents the black nation from growing ,which is blacks oppressing blacks from moving forward.
Whether it be a high government officials ,a ngo ,b.e.e or a community member working for the people ,they manage to steal from the poor people that they claim to be working for ,to me this is more of building a ladder made out of the poor people and climbing it to the top and when they have trusted you enough to return the favor you bail out with their money!
I have walked into many offices to ask for assistance only to be undermined by a secretary and had to wait for months on end only to find out that my request did not even make it to it's specified destination because the person qualified to take to it's destination clearly did not pay attention to it in more than one occasion.
I do not wish for people to interpret me wrong and have them say that 'blacks can't rule' and if so it was not my intention because I believe 'blacks can rule' and they are doing a good job so far.
A xhosa saying goes 'isizwe sitsha ngomcinga omnye' meaning 'one match stick can burn a nations' and one bad person can ruin a whole nation by his/her actions but that does not give people the right to point to the government ,why blame a pastor for his daughter/son unreligious action because 'umthathi naye uyamzala umlotha' which is a xhosa saying that is very hard to interpret but closely related to the saying 'a pastor can give birth to a thief' but 'umlotha(referenced to a thief) has ability to destroy his/her father's congregation' so what I am trying to say is ,a corrupt ,irresponsible person can destroy what took so many years to build within our democracy only because of greed ,selfishness and them practicing superiority to those who less fortunate ,what do you gain when you undermine the poor and praise the rich?
I can conclude by saying our democracy is still young ,alive and kicking ,we have challenges and I believe I for one am not afraid to state those because our government is constructed out of people and no one is perfect.
The black nation needs to stand up and fight against the demon of oppressing one another to prove their superiority and start building one another ,black nation we still have a long way to go.
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Rewind when I stop trying ,when I gave up on me ,rewind again when I received my first criticism from one person that probably changed my whole perspective on how I thought people viewed me ,it was one opinion but eventually changed to an opinion of how everybody looked at me ,I thought everybody viewed me the same way ,so what did I do....I shut down and kept quiet ,and if you knew me or met me the first word that would come to your mind to describe was 'QUIET' but in actual fact I was dying inside.

I walked in town face down as if I was ashamed ,shut my mouth in class as if my lips were sown together and lashed out at home as if they were the ones tormenting me, I was two different personalities ,personalities that I did not even want to be but because of the words they said ,they shoved the confidence out of me and made me feel like a failure even before I tried and In actual fact I did fail ,a couple of times ,I did.

I would walk in a room and blend in with the walls but I thanked the lord for not being noticed than being noticed for the bad reasons and friends ,well let me say I was never part of the 'cool' clan because the words pushed me to that very state where I had to blend in with my kind ,the kind that should never speak to be noticed ,the kind that had to sit and watch the cool girls do it best ,the kind that a guy would feel ashamed to be paired with in class and me also ,I would feel ashamed for him (how stupid was that )

I would never believe you if told me I was beautiful but I would believe you a hundred times if you told me I was ugly ,I would understand if you felt ashamed to walk with me in place packed with people ,even though it hurt I would understand ,parties? Miss little awkward danced in her mind ,not on the dance floor ,not for people to see cause you are a joke , the words! Your words people ,they made me feel like that ,I was a prisoner of your words and someone little girl is probably feeling the same way out the cause of the dirt people say with their mouths...and breaking free? Ask god cause he gave me the courage!
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I found myself inlove with a men who didn't love me anymore!
Blame it on past experiences that held me back ,made me doubt it was real and on the real I would say I was scared! PERIOD ! I I eventually missed the love that was coming my way!

It was one of those love at first sight moments that I missed ,I saw him ,he saw me at first sight amongst a bunch of friends that were considered as ultimate beauties ,was attracted to what he saw but as a xhosa girl who knew nothing about relationships 'I responded with a quirky laugh that dismissed the whole situation never thinking that It would caught up to me really! Really bad.

He wasn't my ultimate guy that I would fall on my knees and say 'YES' on the spot or even think and replay the very first moment we met ,infact I could not even remember the way he looked with all the 'whooo' the girls were making when he attempted to charm his way to my heart(because I would say it was not the romantic pickup line ,you know eastern cape guys) so I would fairly say it was a moment to be forgotten for me but EISH !

Next day ,watsapp message from my cousin telling me my guy was madly inlove ,head over hills.

I say 'WAT NOW'

She says ' YES ,he want's yo number'

I say 'no'

thinking it's still a joke ,maybe he had mistaken me for some of the girls (phela I was walking with beauties and for a person who has had a history of low self esteem ,I did a pretty good job to convince myself) and again DISMISSAL
So I went on trying very hard to avoid his work place when I walk past as it became more visible than ever ,but in the past I didn't even notice it so that's when I realized that I was sinking in ,he likes me and he ain't joking but with the way I was dismissing his advances one would swear I was the creator of dismissal stamps

Days passed with my cousins on the other head trying very hard to convince me that he is the one ,say 'YES' and the universe on the other hand was not chiiling ,the encounters I had with this men made it seem like he was the only men in this planet earth ,but no...(I am sure some of ya'll are saying ,she's stupid and I say 'ndiryt chini!'

But after all these encounters and everything I ended up agreeing with everybody but it was too late ,eveerybody had moved ,they were on the next chapter and me ? There alone 'saying now I'm ready to love' ,so that's when minor stalker tendencies began and he saw it ,me walking past his work place or even gaining the strength to enter the door ,inquire about something I didn't know the hell about just for him to notice me ,I was in love with a men that did not love me anymore ,tough neh!

I tried every trick in the book to make him notice me ,I even prayed for this men ,trust me god know about this men much to well but the 'NEH' was on me ,months passed me regretting till I finally accepted that he was the one that got away!

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everday-ish: A LETTER TO MY YET UNCONCIEVED CHILD!

everday-ish: A LETTER TO MY YET UNCONCIEVED CHILD!: Hi there my baby ,I am not really sure I would remember the very moment you were conceived but I will thank god for that moment ,whether the...

A LETTER TO MY YET UNCONCIEVED CHILD!

Hi there my baby ,I am not really sure I would remember the very moment you were conceived but I will thank god for that moment ,whether the circumstances magical and marvelous I will make sure I treasure them forever or harsh and brutal I will make sure I will protect you from those circumstances

My child I know that from the moment you start to see the world you will observe ,learn ,love what ever that is around you ,you will have joyous moments (hopefully with me) and heart breaking moments ,you will smile ,cry ,laugh ,probably hate....but that's what we call emotions ,you'll learn to live with them because the world we live in is not perfect but I will do my leveled best to make sure that the place that you call home is where you find a piece of your perfection.

'Do you look like me or your father' well I hope we are both there to answer those question for you.

'Do you have to go to school' well yes ,I mean I had to go through the same torture but you know what my child it will be worth it cause I want you to succeed and be happy

'Girlfriends?! Boyfriends?! Or Babies?!' We will probably have this conversation when you have grown up and start bona bonaring (seeing) ,i pray to god to give me the strength cause I will need it ,judging from the way my parents act when it comes to these convos (the awkwardness turns them to statues)

I promise to try and answer all your questions and if I lie ,it was probably not to hurt you cause the truth ain't always what it seems ,it has the potential to set you free but some times it hurts BUT not more than a LIE.

I will raise you my angel with the best possible values that were given to me and I advise you to keep them cause they will keep you grounded when ever the tide of life is too strong and tries to sweep them away but please I also have a request my angel ,please don't
ever take my effort of raising you for granted ,when I say 'no' you say 'yes' when I say 'no partying you say' YOLO mommy' so bottom line is you respect me

I saved you the best for last ' LOVE GOD ,PRAY TO JESUS , PRAISE HIM 'all that he said in his word is true and it's the truth that never hurts a soul ,I as your mother will raise you in the house of lord cause that's how I was raised and if you choose to go astray I will know that my work as a good mother was done because there is no better way to raise you but the word of god.
So therefore I encourage you to be responsible ,respectful ,god fearing ,dreamer ,achiever and most of all to be yourself cause that's where you become your best.

mommy loves you<3<3

Yours faithfully

Your future mom
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Love ,betrayal and tears!

'I keep on coming back for more...' Am I stupid ,it is wrong and I love it , he's voice ,he's body the way that he holds me through out! It's magical it's amazing and all of it feels right.

I clinch the pillow after all has been said and done ,he apologizes ,not for the fact that he confessed that he loved me but for what he... ,I... ,we have done!
"My best friend" I say

"what she does not know won't hurt her" he says

Mr guilt crushing my soul into pieces but this won't make me want him any less ,when he does me ,he becomes my superman and me ,his wonder lady ,kinky becomes bliss as our secrete wants to peeps it head out ,and soon after all has been said and done ,I think , I weep and ,I cry ,the thought of being labeled as the betrayer ,me! turns my stomach into a billowing mass of imaginary vomit ,I can't do this again but with no one in sight ,me and him in the room ,me in he's arms ,he's voice in my head ,he's lips on my neck sends regret flying out my window and pleasure painting the walls red with love ,he loves me ,he confesses...before and after ,it seems unreal ,promises to leave her ,I say no ,she walks in ,both of us naked!!

She freezes...

I freeze...

He say's "baby!"

She says "how long"

I say "chomie let me explain"

She walks out!

I try to run after her with a body cover in bed sheets

He say's "stop"

I say "no"

He says "yes , this! all this! Is what we wanted ,me you! This meant something to me! And I want you....

To be continue...
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Dat nigga ain't gonna make you happy!

You could prick every leaf in a beautiful sun flower but if there is still a tear or frown on that face ,he ain't doin he's job!
Do you know that there is a nigga who is ready and willing to make you the happiest women in the world ,what's this ish about oo-k in other words yo competition ,the last time I remember the love zone was never a war zone?
I am no expect in relationships but I know I meaning of the word love and I know the love that I am waiting for will be everything I imagined!
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